FAITH and CONFIDENCE : Definition and Difference

Sometime back, I wondered aloud to some friends on the difference between Faith in God and Confidence in God. Are they the same, and if not, what is the difference? The quote below started this train of thought in my mind.

Where there is FAITH, there is love;
Where there is love, there is truth;
Where there is truth, there is peace;
Where there is peace, there is bliss;
Where there is bliss, there is GOD.

Many of us would recall Bhagawan quoting the above words during a Divine Discourse or during a personal interaction in the interview room, or during those unforgettable Trayee sessions in His residence at Brindavan (Whitefield). And perchance if we missed hearing Him here then technology ensures that we can still listen to Him through audio or video recordings preserved for posterity. 

'Trayee Brindavan,' Whitefield ashram

Swami had a way with words ! Profound spiritual truths from the Vedas or the Upanishads and from world religions flowed from Him seamlessly, in simple words tailored to suit the modern sensibility that otherwise has no time for philosophy couched in abstruse language. But Bhagawan could hold your attention and force you to think through His pithy aphorisms that had layers and depths of meaning and might take a lifetime or two to internalise.

As a student in the 80-90s period in Swami's University, when I listened to the above quote, I would feel happy for of course I had faith in God and in this Divine manifestation in front of me. I loved Him, I followed Him and had great regard for Truth. Hence, why worry, my life would be awesome, henceforth ! Life did take an awesome turn -- I spent nearly two decades in His physical proximity and I had my fill of Divine Bliss in many ways. I witnessed many marvellous, unbelievable things happening in front of my eyes. But there was one thing that still eluded me and this was PEACE. I was happy and inspired but not peaceful and this bothered me a lot. In fact, lack of peace sometimes dented away my happiness and I came into a dark place where I wondered how if I could not find PEACE in the 'ABODE of Peace' (Prasanthi Nilayam), near the Avatar of LOVE, then nowhere in the world would I find it. The ups and downs of life teach us many lessons; I had the added advantage of living near the 'greatest Teacher on Earth' and I learnt many lessons about life, but peace eluded me still. This 'peaceless-ness' was accentuated especially when things did not go the way I thought they should, apart from the daily, everyday irritants. At every turn the unexpected awaited me and I had to change my road-map many times. (Now I don't have a road-map -- I tore the last one and did not replace it !). Living near Divinity I discovered first-hand that 'CHANGE is the only constant in life' and Bhagawan's favourite message was: "LOVE MY UNCERTAINTY, for it is not a mistake". (Why didn't somebody warn me about this, that spirituality was no guarantee against uncertainty/chaos?!)

And here I remained for a while, till something subtly shifted in me. Some time in the 2000s, I noticed something Bhagawan had begun to emphasize in His discourses and through other more dramatic ways. One concrete example is how He started presenting the quote on FAITH (quoted on top) as below:

 "Where there is CONFIDENCE, there is love;
  Where there is love, there is truth;
  Where there is truth, there is peace;
  Where there is peace, there is bliss;
  Where there is bliss, there is GOD."

   (ref. Sanathana Sarathi. June 2003. P. 171)   

6. ONAM at Prasanthi Nilayam: NOTES from the ANANTAPUR experience

1990 was a remarkable year for many Divine reasons. There were many blissful experiences with Bhagawan that I hope to cover eventually :) However one incident that comes to mind is the very significant ONAM festival of that year, when Bhagawan chose to grant a special blessing to the Anantapur students which continues till date. 

Traditionally celebrated as the visit of Emperor Mahabali on his annual visit to his erstwhile kingdom, Onam is a festival peculiar to the small state of Kerala situated at the south-western coast of the Indian peninsula. It is a harvest festival with the legend of King Mahabali and the Vamana avatar of Lord Vishnu in the background of the festivities. Primarily, Onam is a time for home-coming for all Keralites, whichever part of the globe they might be. Perhaps, one parallel to this unique, emotionally bonding  festival would be Durga Pujo in Bengal during the Navaratri/Dassera period

When I joined the campus, I was told by my seniors, that during Onam, usually all the Malayalee girls would get a chance to visit Parthi and have Bhagawan's darshan, though it was not a declared holiday in the Institute. I was very thrilled by this, for Parthi was after all my true 'home'. As luck would have it, that year and the next two years, Onam trips did not automatically materialise as I had thought. Exams intervened, and though we managed a 'half-trip', finally in 1989, we received a missive from the Registrar that nobody from Anantapur should visit Prasanthi during Onam. We (i.e. the Kerala girls in the hostel) were crestfallen and very perturbed because this was now 'official'. No more special Onam trips to see the Lord; the Institute had spoken! Our hostel warden, respected Jayalakshmi Gopinath ma'm, who sympathised with our plight but could do nothing, encouraged us to celebrate Onam in the Hostel that year, i.e. 1989. So dolefully, we did that and made the best of it. 

The Kerala  girls in 1989 with the warden in front of the Hostel

The 'attham', traditional floral decoration

That was the only year when no students from Anantapur could go to Prasanthi Nilayam for Onam. With the typical hyperbole of youth, we were lamenting at the cruel circumstance when Divinity was celebrating Onam (our 'only' festival, for the others it was not emotionally relevant) with people from all over the world and here we were, His own daughters, a stone's throw away, bound by 'unjust' rules. Most of us could not stomach it. Many representations went to the Principal till exasperated, and rightfully so (!!!) she conveyed to the warden that no one from the hostel was to pester her regarding this matter. Some desperate souls even wrote to the Institute and that was when the official 'ban' happened ! Gloomily and bleakly, we made a half-hearted show of observing the festival in the hostel, (see photos for the marked absence of gaiety in our faces!) and I remember how the warden instructed the cooks to prepare Kerala delicacies that day, to lift up our spirits.

A typical ONAM 'sadya' (feast) served on a plantain leaf

That year went by with all its lessons and 1990 dawned. As I said, it was a very wonderful year with a personal interview with the Lord for our batch, an exquisite Summer Course at Brindavan, a dramatic Gokulashtami (story for another day!) and so on. Perhaps Bhagawan's graciousness had emboldened our hearts  . . . The season of Onam approached and so did our hopes rise. We had just been called by Bhagawan to Prasanthi for Gokulashtami; the next week was Ganesh Chaturthi and the following week was Onam. Even today, my hairs stand on end when I recollect those sublime days and moments with Swami !
Two of us seniors called for a meeting of all the Malayalee girls in the hostel. We had to try for a Onam trip and we had to strategise. When all doors close and all human effort fails, then the Divine is the only recourse. It was at Anantapur that I learnt the efficacy of COLLECTIVE PRAYER. So we decided we would do just that and we would concretise it by writing to Swami every day, imploring Him to call us for Onam. Meanwhile some pragmatic souls wondered about the authorities and what about talking to them. I felt that since they had categorically told us not to irritate them, what was the point in aggravating the situation further. Also wasn't Bhagawan the CHANCELLOR of the Institute? So, let us address our letters to that highest authority, the head of the Institute. So far, so good, one would think.
But when I returned to my room, I was very uneasy. Disquiet haunted me. Something was not right in our approach. True, Bhagawan was the Chancellor of the Institute, but beyond that wasn't He our closest Friend, the soul-Companion over countless births? Why impose this official distance between Him and us? Swami was subtly teaching all of us a profound lesson! Yad bhavam tad bhavati (As is the feeling, so is the experience)That very day, I again called all my 'co-conspirators' (for a noble cause, though!) and discussed with them that we should write to Swami 'right from the heart', since He is the heart-dweller and not official letters, positing an artificial distance. And so we did that.
Ganesh Chaturthi arrived and we were preparing to go to Prasanthi. Meanwhile, Bhagawan had come in a few dreams of the diligent letter-writers and promised to call us. Though I was organising this endeavour, I wasn't actually writing to Him, though I prayed every day. Just as I was about to board the bus for Parthi, a junior of mine hurried up to me; she had a significant dream of Bhagawan that morning and I was in it too. The dream went like this:
Bhagawan was in a room and I was hesitating at the door with a pile of letters in my hand. He graciously calls me in, accepts the letters and tells me that all of us could come and see Him for Onam. Then as an after-thought, He added, "Come for TWO days"!
I believe Swami's dreams are His actual visitations, sometimes symbolic, sometimes prophetic. But 'two days' sounded a bit remote; that too the very next week with exams round the corner; anyway I was happy that Swami recognised me as 'letter-deliverer'!
During darshan, that Ganesh Chaturthi day, many letters were handed over to Bhagawan, pleading for our Onam trip. Not just us, the rest of the girls too (bless them all!) were 'recommending' our case through slips of paper saying, "Swami, call the Malayalee girls". Swami nonchalantly and swiftly collected all the letters and all the tiny slips of paper. But no one spoke aloud to Swami, as we had pre-decided; I did not want the authorities to feel that we were rebelling or trying to put anyone down. However, who can object to a silent prayer?
That evening we were in luck. Bhagawan called all of us into the mandir (Bhajan-Hall) for a campus Interview. We all rushed in and as usual I was somewhere at the back; Bhagawan's voice just reached us as He gave us all a Discourse. Then came the bowls of prasadam, the Arati was offered and then He would be gone. 
Suddenly, Swami paused, looked around and CASUALLY enquired in His soft voice, "How many Kerala girls are there ?!" Confused murmurs; He asked again and this time, many hands shot up; I felt too weak to lift mine and my class-mates had to prod me! Then directly looking at our Principal, respected Prof. Hemalatha ma'm, Bhagawan said, "Send them next week for Onam to Prasanthi Nilayam."  

Bhagawan speaking to us in the 'mandir'

I remember coming out of the mandir in a daze, as everyone congratulated us on our way back to our dormitories. It was so unbelievably exhilarating; so numbingly unexpected this downpour of His Grace! Can we ever be completely ready to RECEIVE when He finally answers the call? We keep praying for something and when the Lord answers, we blink in surprise. It is our readiness that is the criteria for prayers to be answered. Delays to prayers are often because, Bhagawan WAITS for us and not the other way round! Bhagawan had answered and in a trice all the anxiety, the despair, the uncertainty, were just washed away!
When we went back to the Hostel, we were summoned to make a list of girls who would be going the next week. The cordial atmosphere was unbelievable. From 'impractical rebels' we had become 'heroines' ! As Bhagawan has said somewhere, when God accepts and acknowledges you, the whole world will do the same. With Him you are a HERO and without Him a mere zero.
And so we returned the following week. Keeping my junior's dream in mind, I packed an extra set of clothes, though we had permission only for one day. We reached Prasanthi and sat for Bhagawan's darshan. I remember that Onam how He called one small child from the crowd, handed him a basket of sweets and then with the child following Him, went around the whole Darsan area throwing chocolates to all the kids assembled there. 

The next day, after the morning darshan (that usually got over by 7.00 a.m.), we were to leave by pre-arranged vans. We would reach Anantapur by 9.00 in time for college. I hung around, dawdling, hoping  secretly and in the process got some scoldings from the teacher-in-charge :(
We came near the vans with our luggage to find the driver missing ! As we waited, our teacher in high tension (she had to reach on time to sign in the attendance register) and we in abandon, the driver appeared, shaking his head. "We cannot leave now, madam; there is a BANDH (a shutdown) today" !!!!!
And that is how Bhagawan called us for "TWO DAYS' as He had promised in the dream ! Nothing is beyond the reach of prayer, except that which is beyond the Will of God. After that historic day, every year without fuss, the students from Anantapur came to Parthi participate in the Onam festivities, with official sanction.

ONAM in 2008

FAST-FORWARD to the year 2005:
It was Onam time and the State organisation of Kerala had come prepared with three days of programmes, involving children and professional artistes. Many devotees had also come to spend Onam in the Divine Presence. But Bhagawan was in a strange mood. He wasn't talking much and in fact He finally cancelled all the programmes that year, asking the Office-bearers to go back.

Was He not in favour of too many extravagant programmes? Was it due to the minor tsunami that struck Kerala a few days later and? Or was there some other reason? One can surmise but never gauge the causes why such things happen. All of them left, including the children. But devotees stayed back and sat for darshan on Onam day, in their traditional simple, white attire. I too was sitting amidst them. There was not a single decoration in the Hall. This had not happened for years, so the mood was sombre. Bhagawan came in the car, slowly surveying the Hall. In the middle, He stopped and spoke to a lady. Soon He came near me and as though in slow motion, the car stopped, the window rolled down and Bhagawan gave me an enquiring look. I got up and went to the window, where He asked me : "Why are they all sitting here?". I answered what He willed: "Swami, they have come here for Your DARSHAN." And the Lord's reply before the window rolled up was :"Aithe, MANCHIDI" (If so, GOOD) 

Were priorities being tested by God ? Why exactly have you come here? Is it for the sake of the Divine One or do you have  other motives? Whatever maybe so, the significance of DARSHAN can never be over-rated, nor taken for granted, even today,

4. When the OMNIPRESENT kept a tryst !

Bhagawan Baba has said,

”All who come embodied are Avatars, advents of the Divine. What then is the special feature of Rama, Krishna, Buddha and Christ? Why do you celebrate their Birthdays with much reverential enthusiasm? The speciality is this: they are AWARE; you are unaware of the Atma, which is the Truth. AWARENESS confers liberation from bonds, from time, space and causality and from sleep, dream and wakefulness. Avatars are ever alert, aware and alight.”

One of the most endearing qualities of Bhagawan IS how 'lightly' He carries the mantle of DIVINITY;  there is no high-handed 'looking down' upon ignorant humanity; no ostentatious display of the supernatural in His demeanour. He always IS simple, natural, spontaneous, LOVING, humorous, witty, sincere, PLAYFUL, sensitive, COMPASSIONATE . . . . . endless list ! Glimpses of His Divine nature irresistibly peeped out of the 'human form', and when they did, it created joy and delight in everyone's hearts. The Lord is often described as RASO-VAI-SAHA, that is,  the Embodiment/Essence of pure SWEETNESS/BLISS. Swami always created JOY in the hearts of His devotees. The stern task-Master bit is real too, (very real !) but that was always to mend our ways and put us on the right track. After the ego was successfully demolished by Him (the long, 'dark nights of the soul'), and the devotee managed to stay on and not run away from the hammering or even lose faith, one usually discovered that the heart has been transformed to experience DIVINE LOVE and rapture. 

Sometimes though, during the process of ego-demolition or clearing of karmic backlog, He sends beams of GRACE to see us through -- glow-worms in the dark of night, to encourage and simultaneously fascinate !!

Wondering at the l-o-n-g introduction? When you are wonder-struck, you either become speechless or 'ramble on'. The experience I am about to narrate overwhelmed me then and now too fills me with awe and wonder. The Lord will do ANYTHING to let you know He's with you. OK then . . . . without much ado, here goes . . . .

The day: December 9, 2008. The place: the Abode of Peace

Evening bhajans were over and I was walking back home, after my usual stop-over near Ganesha, who I consider my guardian-angel + Swami's main assistant. Actually, I did not do my usual 'lingering' at Ganesha's door, because I was deeply upset about something. Strange, that right now those 'deeply-upsetting-issues' and 'troublesome, peace-disruptive elements' have faded from memory, but I remember thinking what a waste it was to stay near the Avatar and get caught up in silly, petty issues. I felt I was losing the bigger perspective of being in the Divine proximity and there seemed no way to get out of this mental turmoil. Where was my Omnipresent SAI, beyond this physical form that was so deluding ? Theoretical knowledge of equanimity and PRACTICAL demonstration of it amidst the contradictions of daily life are very different things. 

The famous GANESHA temple inside Prasanthi Nilayam

Anyhow, as I walked back home, I on-the-spur-of-the-moment decided to call a friend over for a cup of tea to lighten my mood. Better than wallowing in a state of depression over an 'existential sorrow' that seemed endless and went along the lines of something like this -- WHY does Bhagawan remain silent and 'allow' troubling things to happen? WHY does He not reprimand or punish trouble-makers? WHY does he seem to 'encourage' egoistic people? Why, why, why . . . . Well, in the depths of my heart I knew this was what a spiritual journey meant: non-stop, EGO-demolition all around, at the Divine hands of the greatest Teacher on earth-school. Still,we all have our limits. . . .right?

Image: http://yinc.co/

Those days, Bhagawan was 'on time' and bhajans got over by 6.00 p.m. I reached home, called my friend and an elderly neighbour. We gathered, sipped tea, chatted a bit and dispersed by 7.00 p.m. My mood had lightened, but I was still feeling a bit sore.

The next day when I was going for breakfast at around 7.30 a.m. to the South Indian canteen, a colleague of mine wanted to join me. Gayathri said she wanted to tell me something important. As we were munching on idlis, she said how the lady whom I had given the photograph of Swami the previous evening, felt she got the answer to her dilemna and wanted to meet me and thank me for that and the 'message' from Swami. I blinked; I did not recall meeting anyone, especially not the previous evening, the mood that I was in. G. gave me a peculiar look (I get lots of those !) and said, anyhow, this lady was waiting to 'thank me' and I should meet her after the bhajan session. I was bemused; I patiently explained to G. that I positively did not meet or interact with anyone; I was at home sipping tea with two people and WHAT was she going on about? Now G. got angry and said, "But akka (elder sister), you came upto me near 'Ganesha', stopped me and insisted on narrating a dream-message for Latha aunty. And then you gave a tiny photo of Swami for her and we walked via East Prasanthi, after which you went out through the Canteen-side/vehicle gate." I once again 'patiently' explained to her that I never walked via East Prasanthi or exited the ashram the Canteen-gate way, because the 'Ganesha-gate' was more convenient for me to use. We just stared at each other; nothing was making any sense, or maybe it suddenly made too much sense. We were talking at cross-purposes, unless . . . . I abruptly told G. that I wanted to be alone; she reminded me once again that I should meet the devotee who wanted to thank 'me'. We returned to Sai Kulwant Hall. I mused on what I had just heard. I was at home the previous evening, there were two 'witnesses' to testify to this. My ALIBI was fool-proof. But my colleague -- was she fabricating this entire story ? (I sometimes feel, we devotees in our enthusiasm sometimes muddle facts when it comes to Swami's miracles. Swami can do anything, but we must be accurate too and speak the truth without embellishment. No need to act as publicity agents of the Beloved One.) But then there was this other lady (whose daughter was studying at Anantapur) and a photo. Was she also a part of this charade? I must take a look at the photograph and speak to this devotee. My mind was running haywire. I slowly chewed on the obvious explanation that my mind was hesitating to consider. DID BHAGAWAN REALLY ASSUME MY FORM and lead all of us on a merry dance ? 

The morning bhajans were on and I prayed to Swami for help in resolving my doubt (regarding my friend) and accepting what had happened. The next bhajan melodiously wafted down the speakers :  

O BABA, SAI BABA (O Lord, Sai Baba)

Deenon ke dukh har de BABA (Destroy the misery of those who suffer)

RAM bhi Baba, KRISHNA bhi BABA (Baba is both Lord Rama and Lord Krishna)

And then came this particular line:

Nara dehi NARAYANA BABA

(Baba, the One who is both Narayana (Lord Vishnu ) and who has also assumed the human body/bodies). 

I stopped my doubting mind in its tracks. Has not Bhagawan said: "ALL forms are Mine, ALL names are Mine." He never says anything that is devoid of significance.

After the bhajan-session, I met the fortunate devotee and my friend who actually walked with Swami (Swami-as-me) down the East Prasanthi road ! The devotee narrated what Bhagawan ('impersonating' me ) told her. HE-as-me said that HE-as-me had had a dream (something very plausible and hence cannot be doubted, many people get authentic dreams about Swami), in which Swami (in the dream) spoke to her, gave her a namaskar and a photo that He blessed (all in the 'dream'!). Since the dream was so vivid, HE-as-me felt like actually giving her a photo! It was a tiny print of a popular photo of His:

Photo given by Bhagawan in His 'assumed' form to a lady devotee

She was given the photograph, after which HE-as-me walked with G. my friend (who had studied at Swami's College at Anantapur with this devotee's daughter) a little distance and then melted away. 

NOTE: He ensured that while all this was happening, I was 'safely' at home with two people! What drama was this! A dream within a 'drama' within THE DRAMA that life is.  

But then, as someone rightly said, ALL of CREATION is GOD's DREAM and we are all a part of it !!

OMNIPRESENT Divinity can assume any form, for there is nothing and no space in this Universe where He is not present. Truly, all forms are His. The story does not end here, however . . . .

SEQUEL One: When I returned home, I rang up my mother in Kerala to tell her this amazing story. I had to tell someone, immediately ! She listened and there was a short silence. I couldn't imagine her not believing me, so now what was the matter? My mother has translated a few books on Swami from English to Malayalam, subsequently published by the Book Trust in Prasanthi Nilayam. At that time, she was translating a book by French author-devotee Jenny Socrate, (in the SAI-world news recently) entitled "The Divine Master" into Malayalam, titling it as 'DIVYAGURU'. (This translation was subsequently blessed by Bhagawan along with the Telugu translation.) She told me now, that for the past three days, she had been translating Chapter 20 from Jenny's book called, 'Some Apparitions of Sai Baba and Shirdi Baba'  !!! Needless to say, the whole chapter is devoted to Swami manifesting as different people to the author.

DARSHAN 2010, Swami with Sri Lankan devotees(Photo not connected to article)

SEQUEL Two: A fortnight after this incident, around Dec. 19th, there was an episode in the darshan lines. Swami had come for evening darshan in His chair and as was His wont, He was accepting letters, speaking a word or two and dropping vibhuti packets to certain fortunate devotees in the front rows. We, the alumni group with lemon yellow scarves, (Security Girls' -- whatever our ages, Swami called us 'GIRLS' !) volunteering on the darshan ground had strict codes while sitting amongst devotees. We could not give letters to Swami, take a namaskar, ask Him personal questions (unless He spoke to us ) or even fold our hands as He came near. Our job was to facilitate darshan for devotees and not look for 'personal gain'. But then, the Omniscient One has His own ways to bestow His blessings !

My friend, G. was sitting that day in front. Swami's chair stopped in front of her for an infinitesimal moment. He looked at her, gave her a subtle nod, dropped something and went His way. The action was so swift that His stopping was barely noticed. G. picked up what He had dropped, expecting it to be a vibhuti packet. It wasn't. It was the exact replica of the tiny photograph that Swami-as-me had given the lady devotee a fortnight ago! Sitting opposite her, I saw all this but got the whole story after darshan was over !

There is nothing more to say. Swami was just giving a confirmation that all that had happened was His LEELA/Divine play ! 

To conclude, OMNIPRESENCE of Bhagawan is a reality.

When vibhuti or kum-kum or amrit manifests in photos and statues, worldwide, it is OMNIPRESENCE. Swami is IN every object and In every place;

When HE appears in dreams or visions and gives clear directions, it is OMNIPRESENCE. Swami is PRESENT in all DIMENSIONS, within and beyond the human experience.

When other people come upto you and give you answers to your silent dilemnas, or you turn a page and the answer opens up or even when you find a beautiful quote via FACEBOOK !! once again, it is OMNIPRESENCE. Finite human minds cannot stipulate to God anything, or put limits as to HOW GOD must manifest. 

I feel the one and only thing we can do is to LIVE in the PRESENT moment with integrity and love and experience of OMNIPRESENCE will be granted.  

ADDENDUM:  To those who are wondering what happened AFTER this episode, here are some thoughts.

Did the situation that initially disturb me change? Did the 'troublemakers' miraculously transform?

Well, no and YES. The situation worsened in a sense; and the disturbing elements grew in power. BUT, after this episode which was a gift of Grace by Bhagawan  to strengthen my faltering faith and patience, something DID happen. 

My mind-set changed. I gained in clarity and I moved away, Swami created the opportunity and resolve in me to do so; I moved on to a different environment, a better perspective and 'peace of mind'.  My lesson was to detach myself from the situation and mentally LET GO. Externals changed  for me after that.

As for as those who indulge in lies, deception, ego-power games, and other such adharmic behaviour are concerned, God has His unique ways to deal with them. Very often Swami props them up very high and then suddenly they fall on their own into the pits/graves that they have dug for others. 

Call it Divine timing/justice/life. Our task is finally to do what we can, the best we can and then move on for, GOD STILL RULES THE UNIVERSE.