7. A DECEMBER incident: the MYSTERY of the ' PARROT'-MAN' !

Devotees of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba have often received His blessings through His previous incarnation as the Sai Baba of Shirdi, in dreams or strange encounters! Many others have been led to the Parthi form from the Shirdi one. It has been the experience of devotees who have never heard of Sri Sathya Sai or felt drawn to Him, to read the Shirdi Sai SATCHARITRA and get blessings or answers to dilemnas through the Sathya Sai form. Someone I know who was never interested in Sathya SAI, read this holy book as a 'parayan' (seven-day-reading of a holy book) in the UAE and subsequently dreamt of the Sathya Sai form who then coaxed her to come and visit Him in Puttaparthi in 2010.

The 'NAWAB' of PARTHI

There is a very deep and subtle link between these two (and other) forms of Divinity though they seem so different and devotees have experienced this connection in many ways.  
Once someone had the temerity to ask Bhagawan why did He and Shirdi Baba have so little in common, in the way they APPEARED -- dress, mode of travel, place of residence and other such facts. Bhagawan's revealing reply went like this (in HINDI): 
"Tab Mein FAKIR banke aaya tha; ab Mein NAWAB banke aaya hoon" !!
"Then I had come as a FAKIR (mendicant); now I have come as a NAWAB (an Emperor)" !! 
 Appearances do not matter when the ESSENCE of LOVE and COMPASSION are the same. Lord Krishna was born among humble cowherds, but Lord Rama was a Prince. Yet they are equally loved and venerated by the devotees. For the Divine, the body is just an instrument suiting the purpose of that particular Avataarhood; doubts arise in those who cannot go behind appearances.

The 'FAKIR' of SHIRDI

This lesson was brought home to me in a most mysterious manner in the December of 1993, at my home at Kerala. Passage of time, I discover, does not dull the vividness of encounters with Divinity. 

It was a Thursday morning and a friend, erstwhile college-mate from Anantapur had come early on to take part in a 'Satsangh'. There was a person who was coming to our home; he was writing a book about Sai devotees' experiences in and around the city of Trivandrum (Thiruvananthapuram -- the holy city of Lord Anantha Padmanabha/Mahavishnu reclining on the serpent Anantha). He had visited us the previous day and had narrated some incidents of Bhagawan's Omnipresence and how he was being guided to devotees' homes for writing his book. He was to come again that day and I had called my friend to contribute her bit too. We had experienced Swami's Grace the previous summer in a striking manner and I wanted to narrate this experience to him in my friend's presence with some other such incidents. 

A representation of the idol at the Sree Padmanabhaswamy Temple in Trivandrum. 

As we chatted, my friend narrated an incident that involved a family whose daughter was an ardent devotee of Bhagawan and had persuaded her family to put photos of both Sathya Sai Baba and Shirdi Sai Baba in their puja-room. One day, an old holy man in tattered clothes visited their house and they received him respectfully. (In India, in a slowly dying out tradition, holy men and women are accorded respect and offered food, etc.) He sat in their living room and made some prophetic assertions and surprising statements about their personal lives. Then remarking, "It's all the leela of Baba," with typical hand-waving gestures, he took out 'vibhuti' from an old bag slung on his shoulders and gave it to all the people in the house. He specifically asked for the daughter of the house and blessed her too. He then insisted on visiting their puja-room. There when he saw the photograph of Shirdi Sai, he smiled to himself and said, "Oh, the OLD MAN is here as well" !  After a day or two, the daughter, (the original Sai devotee in the house) had a dream, wherein Bhagawan Sathya Sai Baba appeared and told her, "It was I who had come to bless you; but Maya (the deluding power of the Divine) prevented you from recognizing Me" !! And so we were chatting, little knowing that Swami however wanted to spice things up further, as we later discovered. 

As I was getting ready, the door-bell rang and my mother told me that there was an old man at the door with a parrot in tow, who would read all our fortunes. I was dismissive of this because as a rule we never consulted astrologers and the like, since the Maker of Destinies was anyway taking care of us. But my mother was in great anxiety regarding her sister and went ahead with this. My friend and me decided to go and watch the fun. 

The DESTINY-Writer

We found a tall old man, dressed in a tattered black shirt and loose pants. He had a small parrot in a cage and and a deck of cards illustrated with different pictures mostly  those of many Indian deities. The procedure was to mention the name and birth-star ('janma-nakshatra' in Vedic astrology) of the subject and then leave it to the parrot to pick a card that would indicate one's fortune. As we watched, my mother mentioned her sister's name and star, and the parrot picked out a card. I still vividly remember how the card depicted the image of Goddess Lakshmi (the Deity of wealth) sitting on a lotus, in a water-body. "Ah!" the old man said and then in a semi-musical monotone, proceeded to reveal the fortunes of my aunt. He said she was in financial trouble, but like water that does not stick to the lotus leaf, with God's Grace, her troubles wouldn't stick to her but would be overcome. (True enough, I thought, but most people do have some kind of money problems and the old guy could have been guessing! ) Then unexpectedly, he added, that six months ago, she had just crossed a life-threatening situation but now she was safe. This was interesting, because, just a half-year ago she had actually undergone a tricky surgery and come out safely through it. After a few more such correct facts and some predictions which all eventually came true, he then spoke about my brother. Here too, the facts and predictions (as we found later on ) were correct. Then it was my friend's turn. As this was going on, I began to wonder as to who this person could be. It was a slow feeling, a growing suspicion that there was more to the eye here. As I scrutinised him, he deliberately avoided me and went on to speak to my mother. Here he read her palm and again mentioned some accurate facts. (He was turning out to be a real 'all-rounder' in the fortune-telling field, I thought wryly). I then decided to change from observer to participant and have my fortune told too !!

The Parrot and her cards !

Unfortunately, the cards the parrot picked out for me showed all creepy-crawly insects and animals much to my dismay! No benevolent deities smiled at me! The old man looked kindly at my crestfallen face and said, "Oh! this is all an effect of sarpa-dosha (curse of the serpent)", but not to worry, he had the remedy for it. He instructed my mother on some ritual with camphor and fire for five days and that  would remove the bad period. He accurately described my loss of appetite, insomnia, etc. and then as though to cheer me up, he read my palm. Here, he looked very pleased and confidently asserted that within fifteen days, my greatest wish would come true!

I was racking my brains to decipher what on earth was my 'greatest wish' exactly! The one consolation I had was that I was shortly travelling to Puttaparthi and so on that fifteenth day, I would be in Swami's Presence, whatever might happen! Two birds with one stone: The authenticity of this 'parrot-man' and a discovery of my 'greatest wish' ! That this PREDICTION was spot-on, I got to know 15 days later much to my joy and amazement ! Subject of the next post !

Bhagawan near the slope of the mandir-verandah at Prasanthi Nilayam: Oct.1999

As I was lost in thought, the OLD MAN, asked me to pick out another card and this time, it was one of Lord Ayyappa. He said to my mother, (again studiously avoiding me) that this was a good omen; I would be benefited greatly with a gift in my career. Meanwhile, now that good things were beginning to be said, I wanted more! Also, my feeling that this person might just be a certain SOMEONE kept growing in my mind. So I asked him point-blank, "Have you heard of Sai Baba?" He angrily denied this (pray, why the anger ?) and mumbled something about not wasting his time. So I asked whether another card could be picked out for me. He nodded and said, I was to think of my favourite deity from the pantheon of Gods and Goddesses (33 crore in the Indian system !) and pray. If the One I thought of was picked by the parrot, then my good fortune was guaranteed!

I mentally consulted Swami; He was truly my only Deity! But I didn't want to be yelled at by the commanding OLD MAN again. So I hesitantly said, "SHIVA is my Deity" Again the OLD MAN was displeased with me.He asked, " Which SHIVA? He has so many forms; Saamba Shiva, Sada Shiva, . . . . . PARAMA SHIVA." So I hurriedly said, " Hmm, PARAMA Shiva." As the parrot was shuffling the cards with its beak, I inwardly was telling Bhagawan, "Though I said 'SHIVA', for me You are the personification of the Trinity. You are Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva , all rolled into ONE !" The parrot, the silent player in this drama made her pick; she pulled out the card and the fierce OLD MAN held it up for me to see. I gasped: the card displayed the Form of DATTATREYA (an Avatar of the Trinity in Puranic times) and on the top were the faces of Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. My very thought MANIFESTED in front of me ! It was a demonstration to me, of Bhagawan's true Form, as He had revealed to a group of devotees many years ago

Lord DATTATREYA as He is popularly depicted

While I was digesting this, the OLD MAN looked benevolently at me and said that this was a good sign. I had my chosen Deity's Grace. He then turned his attention to my friend. Feeling slightly more emboldened, I decided to tackle the question of his 'identity' once again, in a different manner. I asked him casually where was he from ? He promptly replied, "CHIDAMBARAM". Chidambaram is a temple town in Tamil Nadu with a famous Shiva temple and is also a seat for Nadi-astrology (astrology through ancient palm-leaf manuscripts). But this wasn't the answer I hoped to hear. I couldn't give up so easily either; so I persisted, and asked him a question, which in retrospect sounds strange,"HERE, where do you come from, HEREABOUTS ?" His answer stunned and silenced me. He casually said,  "Nedumangad". Why the astonishment, one might ask ? Well, this was the same place the 'Old Man' in my friend's story said he was from. In the previous incident mentioned above, when the family asked him where he was from in the course of conversation, that "Old Man' had casually said, "Oh, I stay at Nedumangad (a suburb of Trivandrum city)." Later after the daughter's revealing dream, when they made enquiries, the amazed family discovered that in Nedumangad, on the outskirts of the city, there was a small ashram of SHIRDI SAI devotees! Twenty years back, Shirdi was not as well known in the South of India, as it is today. Shirdi Baba was relatively unknown except in some pockets of the city. So a Shirdi Sai Ashram in this deep South of India was unusual.

I was stumped. I went absolutely quiet as I tried to digest this bit of information, while the old man began winding up his parrot-apparatus and demanded money for his reading. I watched him and my mother quibbling over payment and was again reminded of Shirdi Sai always 'demanding' DAKSHINA from His devotees. I told mother to pay 'HIM' twenty-one rupees and let 'HIM' go. We watched 'HIM' go down the steps, towards the garden gate. On an impulse, I followed a few moments later and looked both sides of our small lane. There was NO ONE in sight. He had simply vanished with His parrot paraphernalia !

EPILOGUE: That January 1994, I happened to stay outside the Ashram in Prasanthi Nilayam for the first time. One afternoon, I was woken up from a nap, by a commotion in the street. I looked out to see a "Parrot-Astrologer" on his rounds, calling out his deal ! Coincidence? I prefer to call it SAI-INCIDENCE !!

Also, as soon as the incident had occurred, and the 'OLD MAN' had vanished from view, I consulted my SAI-book of quotes, (actually, any spiritual book lying in the vicinity, ask your question with full focus of mind and open a page at random -- ACCEPT the answer and act accordingly ! Works for me every time.) The message was :

" . . . So, the Avathar has to come as Man among men, and move as friend, well-wisher, kinsmen, guide, teacher, healer and participant among men. He has come to restore Dharma, and when man follows Dharma, He is pleased and content."   p. K 71, Thought for the Day: 1008 Gems from the Sri SAI Manasarovar.

6. When 'death' came knocking and GOD took the CALL !

Around two decades ago, my aunt was suddenly struck by an emergency illness and all of us feared for her life. At that time I had a wonderful book with me called, 'Facets of the Divine Diamond', (out of print now) full of pithy quotations from Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, arranged alphabetically. As is my habit, I prayed for a message during that anxious period, and received through that book a powerful quote that said:

"Do not contemplate on 'death', it is merely an incident of life;
 contemplate on GOD who is the MASTER of all LIFE" .  

We literally did that and needless to say, my aunt came out safely through that medical emergency of a burst appendix (story some other time) and till date remains hale and hearty.
I was reminded of this quote a couple of months ago when apparent 'calamity' struck us in the form of ill-health of an elderly member of my family, who I will call BSM. The events that followed during the ensuing three weeks constitute a 'miracle', a Divine leela (play) -- seemingly simple occurrences, a string of coincidences, some inputs from other dimensions (!!) and finally the surprising climax. 
It also set me thinking about the role of human effort, Divine GRACE and surrender, in spiritual life. With each step on this journey, we grow and move closer to the goal of Oneness with the Source. In the confounding events of life, we start with human effort (mental and physical) -- physical action and  prayer including affirmations, rituals, mantras, bhajans, meditation and many other such mechanisms to connect with God and seek His help in the issues of life. Slowly the realisation dawns that human effort is a miniscule part of this journey; that for a devotee, it is the GRACE of God that envelopes life and all that we are. We are like the little fish who live in the ocean and one day, set out to find this great Being called the OCEAN that features in 'fish epics' and 'fish mythology', little knowing that they live in and are sustained by this very 'OCEAN'!!

Since effort is so tiny when compared to the power of Divine Grace, must we then stop praying or making various efforts? Since everything is God's Will and 'what happens will anyway happen' should we 'sit back and relax', 'stop work and enjoy the show' and go by other such platitudes of  fatalistic philosophy? No, we continue with the same -- we work, we pray, we stumble, we agonize at delays, we wait for deliverance, but our intuitive awareness grows and our understanding of God deepens and so too our relationship with the Divine. We also learn to slowly detach from the outcome of effort; moving towards 'disinterested (unselfish as opposed to obsession with results) action' or 'Nishkama Karma' as espoused in the Bhagavad Gita.
Human effort, by itself cannot achieve anything ! Explosive statement in today's world. But here's the corollary: human aspiration and inspired effort set into motion 'spiritual forces of the Universe', (read GOD), which then bring about necessary outcomes. Like the positive and negative poles required to generate electricity, so too effort and Grace coalesce to bring about change, the ratio being unequal though.Whether you believe in God or not, Grace operates in life. For electric current to be generated in your home, you do not need to understand the intricacies of physics, there just needs to be the right conditions. Effort is like the switch you press. Even when people believed the earth to be 'flat', no-one fell off the Earth's surface, because the earth is in fact spherical, a fact like Grace.

Can mere  'human effort'

 move this rock of life's circumstances ?

When God decides to enfold you in His embrace, that is, when He decides to assume total, direct responsibility for everything in your life, it could seem like a loss of 'personal freedom'. Even in small, everyday matters, you can see His Hand and while you can wonder and debate about 'free will and destiny', you are inescapably aware of this OMNIPOTENT Love, that can lightly brush away karma with a wave and a smile! It reminds me of a poem we studied at college, titled, The Hound of Heaven, by Francis Thompson, where he talks of the Divine relentlessly pursuing the soul, enmeshed in the world to bring it back to the Source!  For sometime after that we used to refer to Swami as H.H.  :))

Link here for poem: 

http://poetry.elcore.net/HoundOfHeavenInRtT.html

It was summer in 2013. I was in an extremely restless frame of mind, dealing with various issues at once, mentally and physically drained out. So when a friend invited me to visit her abroad, I was very enthused and later was happy when Bhagawan said in a dream, "Go and come", (though He did not look at me while saying this and sounded  non-commital). I felt intuitively that this trip would change the direction of my life in some major way; so I looked forward to it, albeit cautiously. Anyhow, I wanted a 'break'; I 'needed and deserved' it! Meanwhile a neighbour's daughter arrived for an unexpected holiday from the very country I was planning to visit, so it seemed as though everything was in order. The Universe was confirming my plans . . . .
I was busy with procuring a visa etc. and I was praying (pestering, rather) to Bhagawan to give a more concrete permission and advice, something more involved from His side, that is. Well 'man proposes and God disposes'; this is a well-known saying, familiar to all. But I also experienced first-hand, though not for the first time, that God's disposition is ALWAYS for the best (though we may not admit it always!) 

I was supposed to embark on my 'trip' towards the end of June. Meanwhile, BSM, who is the protagonist of this story was gearing up for his quarterly medical check-up at the Super-Specialty Hospital in Puttaparthi, He has a severe heart-valve dysfunction and is on 'medical-management' (since Bhagawan hadn't given permission for surgery in early 2011), unable to handle physical strain, including walking for long, climbing stairs, etc. However his trip to the 'Super' (as we often refer to the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Medical Sciences http://psg.sssihms.org.in/ ) this time around was for a routine Urology check-up, as is normal for people in their late seventies. 

BSM with Swami during a Seva-Dal padanamaskar session: January 1993

Just days before the hospital visit, I had an early morning dream of Bhagawan, on June 5th, 2013. (For me, clear, vivid dreams where Bhagawan features are as real and concrete as encounters with Swami in the physical realm, more so, since the mind cannot obfuscate the experience, by interfering with doubts. Most of these visitations are corroborated by external events in my waking life. Often they are prophetic, announcing events that come true sometimes after some years, when I have all but forgotten Swami's message! As Baba Himself has said, : "Dreams relating to Guru and God are real"  Please see this link for what Baba has clarified further regarding such dreams:
 http://www.saibaba.ws/articles1/dreams.htm  ).
My dream that morning was as follows:
I was standing somewhere in front of the mandir verandah and Bhagawan was there too, busy talking to people, collecting letters; the scene was of the 80s or early 90s darshan ground, prior to the Sai Kulwant hall days. Suddenly Swami moved forward towards where I was standing and everyone made a bee-line to make a passage for Him. I was very happy at this and readied myself to ask Bhagawan about my 'trip' and His help. As He came in front of me, He smiled bewitchingly and put something into my hands. It looked like some white, amorphous substance (not vibhuti/sacred ash). The word that came to my mind was mysterious: 'manna'. I knelt at His feet and took a namaskar and said, "Swami, BSM's health". Swami smiled at me and glided away even as I mumbled , "Swami, visa (for the 'trip')" He wasn't there any longer. 

I woke up, wondering at what was coming next; His dreams always come with a message, an indication, a prior protection, a warning but with the built-in assurance that He would take care. 

5. What does the Divine seek from us?

Bhagawan often brings home the most powerful and profound lessons in the simplest manner possible, jolting the mind out of its complacency and correcting its waywardness. Our Divine Sadguru often did this with one or two words and stunned everyone by His effortless Divine accents, while we mere mortals tried to impress Him with our elaborate 'stunts' (as He often called the manoeuvres we made)! Simplicity is the hall-mark of Divinity, for hasn't He often remarked, "God alone is simple, everything else is complex !"
As students, I remember at different times we used to try and do different things to gain His approval. Bhagawan always responded to sincere effort in His distinct style, either with a smile or a remark or some words of praise or sometimes in an unexpected manner that however left a deep impact on young minds.
This incident happened in the early 90s when I was a student at Anantapur and we were on one of our fortnightly visits to Bhagawan. We used to pray to the Lord to allow us to come to Prasanthi Nilayam on some pretext or the other, by listening to our prayers and sending word for us (by Divinely 'by-passing' the authorities who were put in charge of our academics and were justifiably extremely strict on that count) ! It was during this sojourn in His Divine University that I learnt how "nothing is beyond the reach of prayer, except that which is beyond the Will of God". Divinity's decrees can reduce and even overturn the dictates of Karma, when His GRACE is showered on the devotee.

Swami during darshan: early 90s

Some students had taken the initiative to prepare a magazine to offer to Bhagawan and had filled it with articles, poems, sketches and other art. All in all it was hand-made, hand-written and looked artistic and elegant.  Those days there were no computers or Powerpoint or Adobe or Internet and so on. So, some of us who had a good handwriting were asked to prepare the manuscript and the artists among us did the art-work. We sat for darshan and some lucky souls (selected by lottery, I think) sat with the magazine to offer it to Swami. They sat next to the warden, to whom invariably Bhagawan would come and speak, whenever we visited Prasanthi Nilayam. I happened to sit behind the warden that day and I was in a good vantage position to see His reaction and maybe (as my expectant heart secretly hoped) get at least an approving glance from the Lord! 
The darshan music started and Swami came towards us from the Prasanthi Mandir that was His residence those days.
He came near us, patiently flipped through the magazine that our warden held out for him to see and giving me a very serious and meaningful look, proclaimed in Telugu, " Acharanamlo Undali ". The translation is, "It should be reflected in BEHAVIOUR / ACTION."

PRACTICE is important !

After this casual thunderbolt aimed onto my heart, Swami glided away nonchalantly, leaving behind an effect that will last beyond life-times.   

Needless to say, not just were all my hopes of winning His approval dashed to the ground; I felt slightly reprimanded by Him. The ego-mind went into a spin "Not fair, Swami. How often have I heard you lavishing praises on 'lesser' efforts by 'other' people and as though they all practised what they wrote anyway. Why do you always scold me ? Why this strictness and sternness, whenever it comes to me . . . " and SO ON and SO FORTH.

When the ego-mind complex had its say and had subsided, I understood the great blessing hidden in Swami's words. It was a Divine directive to put PRACTICE above PRECEPT, for this is what pleases Him the most. This is what truly wins His approval and GRACE.

I still find it difficult to speak of Him or His messages unless at least a fraction of it exists in my thoughts and actions. Also, I have learnt that however lofty a speech might be, the Lord is impressed when the word is translated into deed. "An ounce of practice is better that barrels of precepts." It is only Bhagawan who can truly speak with authority and resolve on anything because Sathya and Dharma are embedded in Him. Speaking on Himself, He has said beautifully:

SATHYA is My Aachaar / TRUTH is in My every act

DHARMA is My Prachaar / RIGHTEOUSNESS is what I preach

SANTHI is My Swarup / PEACE is My form

PREMA is My SWABHAV / LOVE is My Nature

4, When HE left . . . .

As has been famously said -- coming events cast their shadows -- and when the event is something earth-shaking, whether personal or otherwise or both, the Universe (GOD) sends many messages to forewarn us. But often we fail to heed these whispers from Divinity, caught up in the rigmarole of the mind. So too with the event of Bhagawan leaving the physical form. Some thoughts on this, some dreams and  memories:

The VATA-VRUKSHA at Prasanthi Nilayam, planted by Bhagawan more than 5 decades ago

When a banyan tree falls, the neighbouring bushes and shrubs under it stand exposed to the sun's scorching rays, unprotected from all that fierceness. Today we too stand vulnerable to the scorching heat of life, seemingly deprived of our Divine banyan tree under whose branches we frolicked in glee. In the past too, life happened, but there was always Swami to run to, even if it was the very last line beyond the last pillar in Sai Kulwant Hall. Or you just stood at the fringe of the crowd when He went out by car and felt, more than saw Him. Just a glimpse of the ORANGE was enough ! Many a time, I have sat right at the end of the Hall and watched Swami on the stage, marvelling at the effulgent beauty that He radiated. Time stood still in His presence. Sometimes, when you are near Him physically, you could miss this view and forget His grandeur, because we tend to get so caught-up in appearances  that disturb our peace. 

When Lord Krishna left His body, the city of Dwaraka sank under the ocean, after Arjuna emptied the city of its populace. The entire population of Ayodhya walked into the depths of the Sarayu river, following Lord Rama when it was time for Him to leave. In contrast, we  devotees of Bhagawan 'seem' to be going on with our lives after even HE left His body. Everything on schedule here; crowds still throng the darsan-ground, groups come with programmes and canteen lines are long during festivals.  
Pre-2011, the thought, 'how do we survive Swami's not-being-in Parthi' often crossed many minds, I am sure, but it seemed so far away.  Even when He used to leave for Brindavan or Kodai in the summers, life here would come to a stand-still. And now, it is as if an endless summer is at our door-step. One day a friend spoke her thoughts aloud on the same subject. Perhaps we did not have true devotion, after all. Shouldn't we have stopped breathing like Kunti did, when she heard the news of Lord Krishna leaving the earth? The fact is, 2011-2012 did witness many, many devotees and others leaving their bodies. Well what of the rest of of us then?  
When Bhagawan left His physical frame, I think something DIED within all of us too. Whatever kept us going had left; and so we move about today, going through the motions of life, but "life has fled away".
Whether we are truly 'alive' is eminently debatable. Swami provided us all with that 'extra-ordinary' element, one that in different ways, whispered and affirmed to us that life does have purpose beyond the mundane. His very Presence became the purpose of life for many ! His 'going away' has  accentuated the emptiness of ordinary living, however many activities one may fill it with. So, is this then the end ? NO ! NOT AT  ALL. And that is what I feel like sharing today, on the eve of EASTER Sunday, the day Christ was 'resurrected' and ironically the day two years back, when Bhagawan chose to finally leave His body. Obviously, to leave on the day of His Son's resurrection was by His Divine design and can be interpreted in many ways, one of them being, He will 'come back', as many hope. Or is it that The OMNIPRESENT ONE never really leaves, as a human being does after death ?

The resurrected Christ

Coming back to: how are we devotees 'carrying on' ?
It is my firm belief, that 'before HE left' Bhagawan gave many hints that He was indeed 'leaving', hints that we consciously or unconsciously chose to overlook. Through dreams, in conversations and by other means, He was gently indicating, but no, we did not listen; we could not, for the very thought was life-shattering. Only later did the import become clear. I dreamt of Swami talking to me from a raised 'platform', a year before the Samadhi was built. He even gave me a pada-namaskar, with me kneeling at His feet, as He stood above me on the raised platform! So all through that year I secretly looked for Him to get onto a platform from where He would speak to me -- classic example of a dream misinterpreted -- He did speak to me later that year, but NOT  from a platform.

Function in Sai Kulwant Hall : 17.07.2010

He also prepared us over many years, in fact, by REDUCING darshan. He gave us the first major shock in 2003, when He stopped walking.  But none of these things can actually assuage grief or stop us from losing our bearings. What keeps us sane (well, almost !) and kept us from going hay-wire, is a GIFT Bhagawan bestowed on ALL His devotees, a gift of His Love and mercy. It is my deep-rooted conviction that BEFORE HE LEFT, He infused into our hearts a SENSE of His PRESENCE, a bit-awareness of His OMNIPRESENCE and that is what keeps us going still. We may deny it, we may push away this awareness through excessive emotion and tears or a sinking depression, BUT, Bhagawan did bestow this gift and He keeps waiting for us to avail of it. Bhagawan never approved of exhibition of emotion -- joy or grief. He is the Master of the subtle and expects the same of His devotees. Old-timers will remember how Swami used to call those who were by 'nature' excessively emotional,  'hysteria" !

My personal experience of the message of Omnipresence occurred in February 2011. Darshans had greatly reduced and I was gripped by a feeling of unease that something was wrong somewhere. But I had literally no time to reflect on this or brood due to my father's 'sudden' ill-health, because of which, I was literally in and out of hospital and very preoccupied. One afternoon however, I had a breakdown and I just wept; nothing made sense and I was very upset with Swami. I felt suddenly frightened. Instead of Him comforting me, however, I sensed His disapproval at this 'tantrum'. After this I calmed down, though the unease remained. That night and the next few days, out of the blue, one particular stanza of the Vishnu-Sahasra-Nama (A Stotra-chant consisting of the Thousand Names of Lord Vishnu) kept coming to my mind. I had not chanted this Stotra for ages, though I loved applying the various epithets to Swami and used to feel very pleased how perfectly each name suited Him! The particular stanza was:

Vishwa -moorthi, Maha-moorthi, Deeptha-moorthi, AMOORTHImaan;
Aneka-moorthir Avyaktham,  Shata-Moorthir , Shataanana

The meaning of MOORTHI is FORM. It also means idol. The meaning of the stanza in brief is:
The ONE (Lord VISHNU) who is of the form of the Universe (Vishwa), the  Great One (Maha), whose form is Effulgent (Deeptha), and the One who is essentially FORMLESS , (A-moorthiman), because He pervades everywhere.

The One who, inspite of having MANY  (Aneka) forms, remains Unmanifest (Avyaktham) or, cannot be perceived by the ordinary senses , and yet has innumerable forms and faces (Shata-moorthir, Shataanana), since He is in ALL.

A couple of days later,  I was rushing out of the house one morning and glancing at a video that  was playing on the TV monitor found it to be a discourse of Bhagawan, during the Sivaratri of 2002. I stopped, arrested by Swami's voice which said clearly, "MOORTHI", and so I sat down to listen. This is what I heard Him say (in a rough paraphrase):

 "Everything that is born has a form, that is 'moorthi'. Bharateeyas (Indians) progressed from worshipping the Unmanifest Divine Principle in Nature to worship of it in IDOLS (moorthis).  For this, they have been criticised. Yet, don't you adore the photograph of your father or mother or teacher? The photo has no life, but it 'represents' the quality of the person you love. . . . . There is no one in this world who does not love money. Money is just paper. But with the seal of the government upon it, it becomes currency, the symbol for something valuable. So too the flag is the symbol of a nation. All idols are symbols of the Divine, including the LINGAM."

". . . This is a flower, this is a tumbler. It is the finger that points out what something is. The finger is merely a POINTER to something else. Similarly, idols or MOORTHIS are pointers to Omnipresent Divinity. Once you are able to visualise/connect with Divinity, the pointer (form/idol)  is not necessary anymore . . ."

I understood where all this was leading to. The idol or the form is a Pointer to Formless Divinity. Once that knowledge dawns (in the hearts of devotees), then the 'form', however dear and precious, has served its purpose and can leave. I listened to all this without really wanting to hear or believe. We do that with uncomfortable truths.
After a few days it was Sivaratri. Swami did not come in the morning that day, but I woke up to a dream. I know dreams are very subjective and personal; I generally hesitate to speak of them. But this particular one, I thought is relevant to the topic at hand. This is what I saw:

Bhagawan is sitting on the stage, on His chair, looking very weak and pale as He was those days in early 2011. I then see many school children come near Him with their festival cards, and Bhagawan leans forward to look at them. While doing so, He suddenly stands up and there are gasps from everyone ! He then shrugs off some heavy weight from His shoulders, and the next moment looked radiant and beautiful, with no trace of any illness. After this He profusely blessed everyone in all directions.

Baba with school children, blessing their cards

I woke up and I was SURE Swami was going to heal Himself. After all I saw Him 'shrugging away' His illness, something He had assumed for the sake of the world. (Bhagawan's pain was the result of absorbing our karmic bondages and debts; Avatars do not have any back-log to deal with, but they help humanity of its burdens by taking on themselves the 'collective karma' generated by our mistakes and misdeeds). I particularly remembered how radiant He looked and after very long, I felt peaceful.
However, as you might have guessed, the true meaning of the dream (that dawned on me much later on) is that He was shrugging away the body, after which He looked radiant and blissful. Later on, I also realised that Swami had revealed Himself in His 'LIGHT body'. 
However much I miss Him, this dream let me know that Swami IS free of pain, pain that He assumed for our sakes and refused to cure Himself of. (I am aware that the above statement will raise questions on whether He actually 'felt 'pain for His body is Divine, etc. As He Himself clarified , "There is pain, but there is no suffering.")
What of us left behind ? Will we see Him again? And what do we fill this emptiness with? Nothing is impossible for Him; but I think what is important right now for US, is to discover for ourselves, a task that we are meant to do while still here. We all have enjoyed the benefit of being contemporaries of the Avatar and 'to whom much is given, much is demanded'. We have basked in His Love and now perhaps it is 'pay-back' time. We have received and now we must give and give freely, without the thought of self. Then, someday, that part of us that has died, with His 'leaving' will be resurrected with His Grace, when He chooses to reveal Himself to the world again.
 

3. The Dynamics of ASKING GOD

Many books can be written on this topic: What must one ask of God ? There are many aspects to asking. We ask God for many things, often thoughtlessly, sometimes desperately, and at rare moments, intently and deliberately.  But if God were to come in front of us and ask sweetly, "What do you want ?", do we have the answer ready; do we know what to answer ? If not, we better start preparing for this life-changing question, and not miss a golden opportunity to redeem our lives, when it knocks at our door.

The Ever-Watchful One

Bhagawan has asked this question to His devotees many a time during darshan or in the Interview room. He has also asked this significant question in the dreams of devotees. God asks a question when the answer is ready within you and of course, to simultaneously test you and measure progress. Living in the proximity of a Divine Master gives us clues on what He expects. Like writing an exam paper with a little bit of help from the invigilator, all legal of course !

Bhagawan was/is very expressive. If you gave Him an incorrect answer, you would know -- either a very disappointed look, or an irritated one, with a comment under the breath. Sometimes, a sarcastic remark, if you were acting smart and just saying something to impress Him and others present there. Being the In-dweller, our motives may be hidden from others and even ourselves, but never from Him.
The incident below has many lessons embedded within it, but for now, let us focus on the aspect of what to ask God. 

It was in the year 2000 : morning darshan. Bhagawan came near a devotee who wanted to give Him a letter. This lady and her family were in the SAI fold for many decades; she told me that her letter to Swami was very urgent, but then you know how 'moody' He is ! She told me in Hindi, "bahut nakhra karta hai." (He fusses a lot). I just smiled to myself. Old devotees have the license to talk of the Lord in this manner -- the license of love ! You can pray to Him and scold Him at the same time, but the last word is always His  and that's what happened.
Swami came near her, and looked at her letter. He stood for a moment looking at both of us, while she knelt and tried to push the envelope into His hand, all the while explaining something. Swami avoided the letter, but not the devotee. He then remarked, in Hindi/Sanskrit, " Matti paatra, matti paatra." He was looking intently at both of us while He said this and then walked on. We looked at each other, she incomprehensibly, me waking up to a stunned awareness. Matti paatra when translated into everyday language means, mud pot. So what was Swami referring to? For this, I need to go back to the previous evening. Let me explain.

Someone had given me a few loose sheets of roughly typed pages that contained conversations of Bhagawan with the students (boys) during darshan. (These were later collated into a book called "Heart-to-Heart", containing precious words of wisdom spoken by Swami to the students from the year 1991 onwards, in apparent casual conversation.) The previous evening as I was reading through, I started to type some of these dialogues into my computer, instead of merely reading through. And the portion I had typed out was this:

Swami spoke these words to the students: What is that which is most important in life? Why has God given you eyes? I know what all you see with your eyes. The Pandavas gave first priority to God, next to the world and last of all to themselves. The Kauravas’ ranking of priority was exactly the reverse. It was themselves first, the world next and God last. You are like the Kauravas if you do not want to follow Swami’s words. When you take your degrees and leave, we must feel, ‘Oh! Such good boys of our Institute are leaving’, and not, ‘good riddance! The faster they leave, the better for all concerned.’ How many times have you all promised to follow Swami’s words? You ask me for ‘mud pots’ when I am ready to give you pots of gold and diamonds.  You do not understand this.


So, herein lay the meaning of what Swami had remarked! "Mud Pot " meant some trifling materialistic prayer, some mundane matter, when He was waiting with the spiritual treasures of "pots of gold and diamonds".
I explained this to the devotee, internally feeling very thrilled that me and my activities were being observed all the time, by the Omniscient, Omnipresent One! 

Coming back to what to ask of God, we must be very careful. The human birth is very precious and more precious if we have obtained a spiritual Master who is ready to guide us and guard us and lead us out of this tangle of birth and death. (So said Adi Sankaracharya in Viveka Chudamani.) Bhagawan has often lamented, "You ask from Me a thousand things, but rarely do you ask for ME!" 
As I said in the beginning, this topic deserves a book, not a small post. So WHAT is the right thing to ask. We must ask from the Guru, spiritual blessings like His Grace, spiritual gifts like His Love and gradually that -- let us not be born again into a material existence.
But honesty is equally important on the spiritual path. These prayers must come from the bottom of the heart, after due reflection and introspection. Do not ask for these parrot-like. There are other dangers then. (Discussion for another day !)  

The Blank Cheque Method:
What then of troubles and sorrows in our daily lives, one might wonder. Where do we go then? We are all the time asking God for different things, without fully realising what they mean or imply. The best way then is to STATE what the trouble is and after that LET GO. Stating the problem by writing it out or framing it as a request, brings CLARITY to us. Believe me, God does not need clarity, we do.   

A blank cheque

To conclude here is a tip I learnt : When in need, SURRENDER. And this is not a one-time affair, but an on-going process. Then, you are giving God the freedom to grant you whatever you most require at any point in your life. Often, we do not know what we really need, and we endlessly worry. We also do not know what is good for us. When we surrender (Swami's definition: SURRENDER: Sure + under = sure under God's care), God issues us a BLANK CHEQUE; we can encash it whenever we need to ! The amount reads 'money' when we are low on finances, 'food' when we are hungry, 'sleep' when we are tense, 'friend' when we are lonely and so on. And if it remains blank, then WAIT. Wait in peace, with trust. Nothing can really harm a person who has surrendered, no matter what it may look like. At the right time, things do fall into place !!