4, When HE left . . . .

As has been famously said -- coming events cast their shadows -- and when the event is something earth-shaking, whether personal or otherwise or both, the Universe (GOD) sends many messages to forewarn us. But often we fail to heed these whispers from Divinity, caught up in the rigmarole of the mind. So too with the event of Bhagawan leaving the physical form. Some thoughts on this, some dreams and  memories:

The VATA-VRUKSHA at Prasanthi Nilayam, planted by Bhagawan more than 5 decades ago

When a banyan tree falls, the neighbouring bushes and shrubs under it stand exposed to the sun's scorching rays, unprotected from all that fierceness. Today we too stand vulnerable to the scorching heat of life, seemingly deprived of our Divine banyan tree under whose branches we frolicked in glee. In the past too, life happened, but there was always Swami to run to, even if it was the very last line beyond the last pillar in Sai Kulwant Hall. Or you just stood at the fringe of the crowd when He went out by car and felt, more than saw Him. Just a glimpse of the ORANGE was enough ! Many a time, I have sat right at the end of the Hall and watched Swami on the stage, marvelling at the effulgent beauty that He radiated. Time stood still in His presence. Sometimes, when you are near Him physically, you could miss this view and forget His grandeur, because we tend to get so caught-up in appearances  that disturb our peace. 

When Lord Krishna left His body, the city of Dwaraka sank under the ocean, after Arjuna emptied the city of its populace. The entire population of Ayodhya walked into the depths of the Sarayu river, following Lord Rama when it was time for Him to leave. In contrast, we  devotees of Bhagawan 'seem' to be going on with our lives after even HE left His body. Everything on schedule here; crowds still throng the darsan-ground, groups come with programmes and canteen lines are long during festivals.  
Pre-2011, the thought, 'how do we survive Swami's not-being-in Parthi' often crossed many minds, I am sure, but it seemed so far away.  Even when He used to leave for Brindavan or Kodai in the summers, life here would come to a stand-still. And now, it is as if an endless summer is at our door-step. One day a friend spoke her thoughts aloud on the same subject. Perhaps we did not have true devotion, after all. Shouldn't we have stopped breathing like Kunti did, when she heard the news of Lord Krishna leaving the earth? The fact is, 2011-2012 did witness many, many devotees and others leaving their bodies. Well what of the rest of of us then?  
When Bhagawan left His physical frame, I think something DIED within all of us too. Whatever kept us going had left; and so we move about today, going through the motions of life, but "life has fled away".
Whether we are truly 'alive' is eminently debatable. Swami provided us all with that 'extra-ordinary' element, one that in different ways, whispered and affirmed to us that life does have purpose beyond the mundane. His very Presence became the purpose of life for many ! His 'going away' has  accentuated the emptiness of ordinary living, however many activities one may fill it with. So, is this then the end ? NO ! NOT AT  ALL. And that is what I feel like sharing today, on the eve of EASTER Sunday, the day Christ was 'resurrected' and ironically the day two years back, when Bhagawan chose to finally leave His body. Obviously, to leave on the day of His Son's resurrection was by His Divine design and can be interpreted in many ways, one of them being, He will 'come back', as many hope. Or is it that The OMNIPRESENT ONE never really leaves, as a human being does after death ?

The resurrected Christ

Coming back to: how are we devotees 'carrying on' ?
It is my firm belief, that 'before HE left' Bhagawan gave many hints that He was indeed 'leaving', hints that we consciously or unconsciously chose to overlook. Through dreams, in conversations and by other means, He was gently indicating, but no, we did not listen; we could not, for the very thought was life-shattering. Only later did the import become clear. I dreamt of Swami talking to me from a raised 'platform', a year before the Samadhi was built. He even gave me a pada-namaskar, with me kneeling at His feet, as He stood above me on the raised platform! So all through that year I secretly looked for Him to get onto a platform from where He would speak to me -- classic example of a dream misinterpreted -- He did speak to me later that year, but NOT  from a platform.

Function in Sai Kulwant Hall : 17.07.2010

He also prepared us over many years, in fact, by REDUCING darshan. He gave us the first major shock in 2003, when He stopped walking.  But none of these things can actually assuage grief or stop us from losing our bearings. What keeps us sane (well, almost !) and kept us from going hay-wire, is a GIFT Bhagawan bestowed on ALL His devotees, a gift of His Love and mercy. It is my deep-rooted conviction that BEFORE HE LEFT, He infused into our hearts a SENSE of His PRESENCE, a bit-awareness of His OMNIPRESENCE and that is what keeps us going still. We may deny it, we may push away this awareness through excessive emotion and tears or a sinking depression, BUT, Bhagawan did bestow this gift and He keeps waiting for us to avail of it. Bhagawan never approved of exhibition of emotion -- joy or grief. He is the Master of the subtle and expects the same of His devotees. Old-timers will remember how Swami used to call those who were by 'nature' excessively emotional,  'hysteria" !

My personal experience of the message of Omnipresence occurred in February 2011. Darshans had greatly reduced and I was gripped by a feeling of unease that something was wrong somewhere. But I had literally no time to reflect on this or brood due to my father's 'sudden' ill-health, because of which, I was literally in and out of hospital and very preoccupied. One afternoon however, I had a breakdown and I just wept; nothing made sense and I was very upset with Swami. I felt suddenly frightened. Instead of Him comforting me, however, I sensed His disapproval at this 'tantrum'. After this I calmed down, though the unease remained. That night and the next few days, out of the blue, one particular stanza of the Vishnu-Sahasra-Nama (A Stotra-chant consisting of the Thousand Names of Lord Vishnu) kept coming to my mind. I had not chanted this Stotra for ages, though I loved applying the various epithets to Swami and used to feel very pleased how perfectly each name suited Him! The particular stanza was:

Vishwa -moorthi, Maha-moorthi, Deeptha-moorthi, AMOORTHImaan;
Aneka-moorthir Avyaktham,  Shata-Moorthir , Shataanana

The meaning of MOORTHI is FORM. It also means idol. The meaning of the stanza in brief is:
The ONE (Lord VISHNU) who is of the form of the Universe (Vishwa), the  Great One (Maha), whose form is Effulgent (Deeptha), and the One who is essentially FORMLESS , (A-moorthiman), because He pervades everywhere.

The One who, inspite of having MANY  (Aneka) forms, remains Unmanifest (Avyaktham) or, cannot be perceived by the ordinary senses , and yet has innumerable forms and faces (Shata-moorthir, Shataanana), since He is in ALL.

A couple of days later,  I was rushing out of the house one morning and glancing at a video that  was playing on the TV monitor found it to be a discourse of Bhagawan, during the Sivaratri of 2002. I stopped, arrested by Swami's voice which said clearly, "MOORTHI", and so I sat down to listen. This is what I heard Him say (in a rough paraphrase):

 "Everything that is born has a form, that is 'moorthi'. Bharateeyas (Indians) progressed from worshipping the Unmanifest Divine Principle in Nature to worship of it in IDOLS (moorthis).  For this, they have been criticised. Yet, don't you adore the photograph of your father or mother or teacher? The photo has no life, but it 'represents' the quality of the person you love. . . . . There is no one in this world who does not love money. Money is just paper. But with the seal of the government upon it, it becomes currency, the symbol for something valuable. So too the flag is the symbol of a nation. All idols are symbols of the Divine, including the LINGAM."

". . . This is a flower, this is a tumbler. It is the finger that points out what something is. The finger is merely a POINTER to something else. Similarly, idols or MOORTHIS are pointers to Omnipresent Divinity. Once you are able to visualise/connect with Divinity, the pointer (form/idol)  is not necessary anymore . . ."

I understood where all this was leading to. The idol or the form is a Pointer to Formless Divinity. Once that knowledge dawns (in the hearts of devotees), then the 'form', however dear and precious, has served its purpose and can leave. I listened to all this without really wanting to hear or believe. We do that with uncomfortable truths.
After a few days it was Sivaratri. Swami did not come in the morning that day, but I woke up to a dream. I know dreams are very subjective and personal; I generally hesitate to speak of them. But this particular one, I thought is relevant to the topic at hand. This is what I saw:

Bhagawan is sitting on the stage, on His chair, looking very weak and pale as He was those days in early 2011. I then see many school children come near Him with their festival cards, and Bhagawan leans forward to look at them. While doing so, He suddenly stands up and there are gasps from everyone ! He then shrugs off some heavy weight from His shoulders, and the next moment looked radiant and beautiful, with no trace of any illness. After this He profusely blessed everyone in all directions.

Baba with school children, blessing their cards

I woke up and I was SURE Swami was going to heal Himself. After all I saw Him 'shrugging away' His illness, something He had assumed for the sake of the world. (Bhagawan's pain was the result of absorbing our karmic bondages and debts; Avatars do not have any back-log to deal with, but they help humanity of its burdens by taking on themselves the 'collective karma' generated by our mistakes and misdeeds). I particularly remembered how radiant He looked and after very long, I felt peaceful.
However, as you might have guessed, the true meaning of the dream (that dawned on me much later on) is that He was shrugging away the body, after which He looked radiant and blissful. Later on, I also realised that Swami had revealed Himself in His 'LIGHT body'. 
However much I miss Him, this dream let me know that Swami IS free of pain, pain that He assumed for our sakes and refused to cure Himself of. (I am aware that the above statement will raise questions on whether He actually 'felt 'pain for His body is Divine, etc. As He Himself clarified , "There is pain, but there is no suffering.")
What of us left behind ? Will we see Him again? And what do we fill this emptiness with? Nothing is impossible for Him; but I think what is important right now for US, is to discover for ourselves, a task that we are meant to do while still here. We all have enjoyed the benefit of being contemporaries of the Avatar and 'to whom much is given, much is demanded'. We have basked in His Love and now perhaps it is 'pay-back' time. We have received and now we must give and give freely, without the thought of self. Then, someday, that part of us that has died, with His 'leaving' will be resurrected with His Grace, when He chooses to reveal Himself to the world again.
 

MESSAGE Two: SAI SIVA on the power of GRACE

We all celebrated Mahasivaratri last week, observing it as  the night of SIVA, the third aspect of the Hindu Trinity of Godhead. Traditionally, Brahma (as different from BRAHMAN that is the Absolute Non-dual, Undifferentiated Consciousness) is the Creator, Vishnu/Narayana is the Sustainer and Siva/Easwara is the Destroyer, in the functioning of the Universe/Creation.
But this functional division of the Godhead is not some rigid or unbreakable code: these are designed to make God more approachable in keeping with the mind-set and temperament of the devotee. Also the three aspects of Divinity, especially Lord Vishnu and Lord Shiva, often interchange roles. To sustain the Universe, there have been the incarnations of Mahavishnu when He destroyed evil ones to protect the good. So we see Lord Vishnu annihilating evil. Similarly, there are instances when Easwara/Siva has protected His devotees and saved them from destruction. 

Lord Siva got the name Neelakantha (the blue-throated One) when He saved the world in pre-historic times. In an episode when Lord Vishnu incarnated as KURMA, the Great  Tortoise, Lord Siva stepped in to safeguard the earth from extinction. During the churning of the Ocean by the Demi-gods and Demons to acquire nectar, what came out of the ocean first was Halahala, fumes of poison that spread and threatened to destroy all life on earth. That is when Lord Shiva intervened and drank the poison absorbing it within Him. Before the poison could go below the throat, Goddess Parvati (the Shakti aspect of Siva) put her hand on His throat and stilled the poison there. His throat (kantha) then turned blue (neela), and henceforth He was called Neelakantha.
(For an integrated account of this spiritual legend see the link below:  

 http://www.indianetzone.com/35/samudra_manthan_churning_ocean.htm

But Lord Siva has also saved individual devotees, being the Master of Kama (desire) and Yama (death), and continues to do so. He saved Markendaya, the sixteen year old devotee from the jaws of death and gave him the boon of eternal youth. Overcoming karma/fate is possible with the GRACE of God. View what Bhagawan said about this during a discourse on GURUPOORNIMA day in 2005. Here is the link :
 http://vimeo.com/44507714

For a text version of this fascinating Discourse, (if your video does not load, that is) here is the link from Sri Sathya Sai Books and Publications Trust:

http://www.sssbpt.info/ssspeaks/volume38/sss38-14.pdf 

3. Offering Food to God

Why do we offer food and other things to God? Is God in need of these things that we offer and then becoming pleased grant us boons? So even here, does being prosperous give you an advantage? Does even God favour the rich? Actually, the answer is NO. In fact, Bhagawan Baba has always stressed on offering a pure heart to God. He has always said: 

Come to Me with empty hands and I shall fill them with My gifts of Grace and Love

When I make lunch at home, I too offer a token plate, (from which Bhagawan had taken a fistful of toffees on my birthday, during my student days and thrown them merrily around, many years ago) with the items I have cooked that day. I started doing this after a dream in which I was offering a plate of food to Swami. I often feel that He makes me do this so that I don't miss meals, and partake this food as 'prasadam' ! The following incident, narrated by a small boy reveals something more about how God always GIVES and when He asks you for something, He has some other motive in mind! A Divine, 'ulterior' motive, for the devotee's good !

This was the year 1996, when Bhagawan bestowed special Grace on all His devotees in Prasanthi Nilayam. One day, He suddenly announced that He would give a discourse in the evening, EVERY DAY. We couldn't believe our ears, but He really did this and continued it for around three months. The topics of those discourses were very practical -- like doses of everyday spirituality. He could make even the toughest spiritual topic very simple and interesting, keeping the gathering of students and devotees spellbound. Some naive critics of Swami have called Him simplistic because of this, they miss the profundity in these seemingly 'simple' parables ! To write and speak in abstruse language is relatively easy, while it takes a genius to express the loftiest concepts in simple one-liners, or sweet examples -- okka chinna udaharanam -- that even a child can comprehend. 

Before Swami spoke, there were other speakers, including students from the Institute or School. One day it was the turn of a young boy from the Junior College at Prasanthi Nilayam. He related an incident that remains etched in my memory till today. This is what he said: 

Bhagawan had called him and some other boys inside the Interview Room, one evening and treated them to a plate of 'pakodas' (tasty Indian snack)! Yes, lot of such sweet interactions happen inside the 'Interview Room' of the Lord! This boy took one and then suddenly remembered that he must offer it to Bhagawan first, because that is what they were taught in the school. Before eating food, chant Brahmaarpanam (http://www.sathyasai.org/devotion/prayers/brahmar.html ) and offer the food to God. So he did the exact same thing and offered the pakoda to Swami. Swami gave a pleased smile and bit into the fried snack. To the horror of the boy watching Him eat, His whole demeanour changed. His face became red, He coughed and hurriedly drank some water. Swami had bitten into a chilly fragment in the pakoda! The small boy was crestfallen at this catastrophe when Swami patted his cheeks and reassured him with a smile: "See boy, this is why you must always offer food to God first. He will take away (absorb) whatever is pungent or impure and you are left with pure, palatable food !"

 

The Lord of Parthi with His little ones !

Food, as defined by Bhagawan includes all that is absorbed into the body by the various sense organs and does not mean just the food we eat. Thoughts in the mind are generated by sense-impressions, by what we taste, see, hear, touch and smell. Thoughts lead to words and actions. Offering 'food' includes offering these thoughts, words, actions, et al. Isn't this the simplest way for self-purification? The same lesson was imparted by Shirdi Sai Baba to his devotees, Hemadpant and Nanasaheb Chandorkar and there is the mention of this in the Shirdi Sai Satcharitra. To Hemadpant (who protested that he always shared his food with others and never ate alone), Baba said in His characteristic manner, "It is true that you give to the persons present, and if none be nearby, what could you or I do ? But do you remember ME before eating ? Am I not always with you ? Then do you offer ME anything before you eat?"

The lessons are the same, the love and watchfulness unchanged, whatever the garb assumed by the Divine One !

3. The CREATIVE PERSONA

Who or what are we ? We assume many roles in life, go through many stages, from childhood to old age, identify ourselves with either the body or the mind, activities, hobbies, emotions, ideas, careers, occupations . . . So what or who are we really?  If you add nationality, religion, caste, creed, then the list expands further! Are we all split personalities, then ?
We are selves within selves and identities within identities, and none of them are true, for none of them are permanent, if you look carefully. Then what is it that we could hold onto in this changing world and within these changing selves ? The standard answer would be : my soul. But then I have not seen it. So how do I contact it ?

There is a way. For, there is within me, the heart, the spiritual aspect of my being, the doorway to the soul. When we feel intense emotion, it is the heart that reacts -- either bursting with joy or contracting in pain. Even an atheist feels this. When someone asks us a personal question, and our answer begins with "I", see where your thumb points to: that is the location of your spiritual heart !! (Sree Ramana Maharshi said this) Notice that you do not point to the head or the feet. "I" is located in the heart, and that is where the journey to Self begins.

I believe firmly that within each one of us, there is a creative person, and it is this persona (the actual being of someone, the individual personality; Source: The Oxford Latin Dictionary) that is closest to our SELF. Some have been able to express their creativity by coming into contact with this creative persona, others are yet to; it is a matter of time and of course, a willingness to participate in the CREATIVE PROCESS. So what constitutes the 'creative process' ? How does one embark on this journey? 

 

The creative process is not different from the process of life !! It is from life itself that this creative identity is born. I know many of you might be thinking of all the Art classes and Writing workshops, Singing lessons and Photography sessions you may or may not have attended. There we are talking about creative 'technique'. You can learn technique from experts and this certainly helps but technique is a frame-work. What are you going to fill the frame with ? The CONTENT is what makes you unique. Content comes from what your life is and what you have understood about it. Your art is your interpretation and understanding about life. Creativity, thus is born out of life experience. That is why a great painter has so many forgers imitating his paintings. A forgery, however perfect cannot be as valuable as the original because it does not have the stamp of genuine experience. (Always wondered about this, have the answer now :0 )

Creativity is essentially our response to life. It is an attitude of embracing life, without defences and at the same time, not losing our sense of integrity. Without this twin attitude of openness and holding on to basic values, one cannot create. Why?
Those who write will be familiar with the blank-page-syndrome! When faced with the task of writing something from scratch, you stare at the blank paper in front of you and you keep staring. You may re-arrange your desk, change your pen/font, play with your dog, go for a walk or take a nap, but the page just stares back at you ! Two reasons for this:
  
The words do not come from the mind. Words are the vehicle carrying an idea and ideas are born in the furnace of the heart. Experience when distilled and condensed, gives birth to an idea. This happens not because of the mind, but when the mind 'allows' this process by taking a back seat. There is a higher intelligence working in us, whose seat is the heart and it is this 'higher intelligence' (called buddhi/intellect) that organises experience and gives it a meaning. This is the creative persona. Once this becomes active, then the words or the painting or the music FLOWS through different faculties and gets expressed.

The second obstacle is again from the mind. Even when an idea begins to flow and you start painting or writing or anything else that you feel expresses who you are, the mind begins to JUDGE. It is a self-appointed critic, the twin brother of the ego. When judgement begins, the idea that had shyly peeped out of the heart runs back inside, unless you just tell the mind to lay off. 
The mind is like the middle-man, a necessary evil! Why is the mind such an obstacle, when it is in fact, such an important component of the human being. The answer lies in the fact that the 'creative persona' puts us in touch with our true selves. When we distil meaning out of the experiences of our lives, we are shedding illusions and coming closer to the Truth.  The ego does not like this. The ego/false sense of self thrives in illusion and it acts through the mind. It therefore does everything possible for Truth to remain hidden.
Notice how when you embark on a creative adventure, all kinds of obstacles raise their heads. Don't give up, you are on the right track !
In conclusion, if you want to create, let the mind be in 'suspended animation' and allow the heart full reign.

3. The Dynamics of ASKING GOD

Many books can be written on this topic: What must one ask of God ? There are many aspects to asking. We ask God for many things, often thoughtlessly, sometimes desperately, and at rare moments, intently and deliberately.  But if God were to come in front of us and ask sweetly, "What do you want ?", do we have the answer ready; do we know what to answer ? If not, we better start preparing for this life-changing question, and not miss a golden opportunity to redeem our lives, when it knocks at our door.

The Ever-Watchful One

Bhagawan has asked this question to His devotees many a time during darshan or in the Interview room. He has also asked this significant question in the dreams of devotees. God asks a question when the answer is ready within you and of course, to simultaneously test you and measure progress. Living in the proximity of a Divine Master gives us clues on what He expects. Like writing an exam paper with a little bit of help from the invigilator, all legal of course !

Bhagawan was/is very expressive. If you gave Him an incorrect answer, you would know -- either a very disappointed look, or an irritated one, with a comment under the breath. Sometimes, a sarcastic remark, if you were acting smart and just saying something to impress Him and others present there. Being the In-dweller, our motives may be hidden from others and even ourselves, but never from Him.
The incident below has many lessons embedded within it, but for now, let us focus on the aspect of what to ask God. 

It was in the year 2000 : morning darshan. Bhagawan came near a devotee who wanted to give Him a letter. This lady and her family were in the SAI fold for many decades; she told me that her letter to Swami was very urgent, but then you know how 'moody' He is ! She told me in Hindi, "bahut nakhra karta hai." (He fusses a lot). I just smiled to myself. Old devotees have the license to talk of the Lord in this manner -- the license of love ! You can pray to Him and scold Him at the same time, but the last word is always His  and that's what happened.
Swami came near her, and looked at her letter. He stood for a moment looking at both of us, while she knelt and tried to push the envelope into His hand, all the while explaining something. Swami avoided the letter, but not the devotee. He then remarked, in Hindi/Sanskrit, " Matti paatra, matti paatra." He was looking intently at both of us while He said this and then walked on. We looked at each other, she incomprehensibly, me waking up to a stunned awareness. Matti paatra when translated into everyday language means, mud pot. So what was Swami referring to? For this, I need to go back to the previous evening. Let me explain.

Someone had given me a few loose sheets of roughly typed pages that contained conversations of Bhagawan with the students (boys) during darshan. (These were later collated into a book called "Heart-to-Heart", containing precious words of wisdom spoken by Swami to the students from the year 1991 onwards, in apparent casual conversation.) The previous evening as I was reading through, I started to type some of these dialogues into my computer, instead of merely reading through. And the portion I had typed out was this:

Swami spoke these words to the students: What is that which is most important in life? Why has God given you eyes? I know what all you see with your eyes. The Pandavas gave first priority to God, next to the world and last of all to themselves. The Kauravas’ ranking of priority was exactly the reverse. It was themselves first, the world next and God last. You are like the Kauravas if you do not want to follow Swami’s words. When you take your degrees and leave, we must feel, ‘Oh! Such good boys of our Institute are leaving’, and not, ‘good riddance! The faster they leave, the better for all concerned.’ How many times have you all promised to follow Swami’s words? You ask me for ‘mud pots’ when I am ready to give you pots of gold and diamonds.  You do not understand this.


So, herein lay the meaning of what Swami had remarked! "Mud Pot " meant some trifling materialistic prayer, some mundane matter, when He was waiting with the spiritual treasures of "pots of gold and diamonds".
I explained this to the devotee, internally feeling very thrilled that me and my activities were being observed all the time, by the Omniscient, Omnipresent One! 

Coming back to what to ask of God, we must be very careful. The human birth is very precious and more precious if we have obtained a spiritual Master who is ready to guide us and guard us and lead us out of this tangle of birth and death. (So said Adi Sankaracharya in Viveka Chudamani.) Bhagawan has often lamented, "You ask from Me a thousand things, but rarely do you ask for ME!" 
As I said in the beginning, this topic deserves a book, not a small post. So WHAT is the right thing to ask. We must ask from the Guru, spiritual blessings like His Grace, spiritual gifts like His Love and gradually that -- let us not be born again into a material existence.
But honesty is equally important on the spiritual path. These prayers must come from the bottom of the heart, after due reflection and introspection. Do not ask for these parrot-like. There are other dangers then. (Discussion for another day !)  

The Blank Cheque Method:
What then of troubles and sorrows in our daily lives, one might wonder. Where do we go then? We are all the time asking God for different things, without fully realising what they mean or imply. The best way then is to STATE what the trouble is and after that LET GO. Stating the problem by writing it out or framing it as a request, brings CLARITY to us. Believe me, God does not need clarity, we do.   

A blank cheque

To conclude here is a tip I learnt : When in need, SURRENDER. And this is not a one-time affair, but an on-going process. Then, you are giving God the freedom to grant you whatever you most require at any point in your life. Often, we do not know what we really need, and we endlessly worry. We also do not know what is good for us. When we surrender (Swami's definition: SURRENDER: Sure + under = sure under God's care), God issues us a BLANK CHEQUE; we can encash it whenever we need to ! The amount reads 'money' when we are low on finances, 'food' when we are hungry, 'sleep' when we are tense, 'friend' when we are lonely and so on. And if it remains blank, then WAIT. Wait in peace, with trust. Nothing can really harm a person who has surrendered, no matter what it may look like. At the right time, things do fall into place !!